BIG SCREEN: Darling Companion Revieux (Rated PG-13)

Ever found yourself in a conversation with an adorable child or elderly person who talks in circles, but is so sweet and desperate for attention that you willingly indulge them? Well, that’s sort of how I felt watching Darling Companion.

Diane Keaton and Kevin Kline star as Beth and Joseph, a married couple with a bit of empty nest syndrome. Joseph is an uptight surgeon who has no patience for Beth’s high-strung disposition and emotional outbursts, so he’s especially annoyed when she rescues a dog, which becomes the light of her life. While marrying off their remaining single daughter (Elizabeth Moss) at their vacation home in the mountains, Joseph loses the dog during a walk in the woods. Naturally, this sends Beth into a tailspin, so everyone bands together to form a search party. This group includes Joseph’s crunchy granola sister, Penny (Dianne Wiest), her questionable new boyfriend, Russell (Richard Jenkins), Penny’s son Bryan (Mark Duplass), and a gypsy wedding coordinator named Carmen (Ayelet Zurer), who sends the group on countless wild goose chases, based on her “visions.”

Oh, not that it really matters, but the great Sam Shepard plays a not particularly interesting, bumbling sheriff.

As silly as it seems, this premise actually could’ve been a great vehicle for character development and conflict resolution. People wandering around the woods, contemplating life, being honest, facing challenges, learning through adversity, yada yada yada. And it seemed like it was going somewhere at first. But, alas, much like the gypsy’s visions, and a child's or elderly person’s ramblings, it really went nowhere.

Now I, personally, don’t think of the stellar cast as elderly – they’re actually some of my favorites -- but the script sort of treated them as such. It seems as though they were spoonfed bland, easily digestible roles, then sent off to scuttle about in the woods for a couple of days. It was sort of sweet, in a benign and syrupy way, but there were no… pancakes under all that syrup. Ugh, so who served us this plate of pancake-less syrup? That would be writer/director Lawrence Kasden, of The Big Chill and Raiders of the Lost Ark fame.

Say, what?

I’d like to blame Hollywood’s ageism for this waste of an amazing, albeit “mature” cast, but the fault, in my opinion, sits squarely on Kasden’s shoulders. He’s not only capable of more, but being that he’s a sextagenarian like the cast, you'd think he’d be more motivated to represent his peeps a little better. These people are still way too talented to be happy just to be seen. But I guess in Hollywood, it’s better to be patronized than totally ignored.

Sad.

BIG SCREEN: Men In Black 3 in 3D Revieux (Rated PG-13)

Good things come to those who wait… and we’ve waited a long time for this third installment of the Men In Black franchise!

In Men in Black 3, our stylin’ duo, Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) and Agent J (Will Smith) is once again in a race to save the world. In this case, it’s from a super bad, one-armed alien-guy who’s so nasty that they had to build a high security prison for him, and him alone, on the moon. He breaks out after 40 years, and is ready to exact revenge on the man who put him there. By going back in time to kill K, dude can save his arm and avoid prison. Oh, and this will not only erase K from existence, but also eradicate the awesome shield that’s been protecting the Earth from full-scale alien attack all this time. To save K and Earth, Agent J has to travel back to the 60s to protect the young Agent K.

This premise does two really cool things. The first is revisiting the groovy 60s in Manhattan, and even getting to meet people like Andy Warhol, as portrayed by SNL's Bill Hader. The second is having James Brolin blow our minds with his portrayal of a young Tommy Lee Jones! So. Dead. On.

And how can I forget to mention the divine Ms. Emma Thompson as Agent O, who has taken over for the late Zed (Rip Torn) as head of the agency? Love. Her.

To me, this is an ideal sequel. The chemistry is still there, as is each actor’s distinctive comedic timing and delivery. It still has all the crazy aliens and action and special effects, but it’s also satisfyingly nostalgic, revealing more of the main characters’ backstories. And the 3D was actually cool for once -- seamlessly woven into the movie to enhance it, as opposed to just distract.

While I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, my 6-year-old did not. (Yes, I know it’s PG-13, but many action films are these days, so I slip him in on occasion. Sue me.) He watched the first one with no problem, but for some reason gave this one a thumbs-down, saying it was scary. I don’t know about your kids, but mine enjoys being a bit dramatic from time to time. Never once during the movie did he cover his face or grab my arm – and he certainly didn’t have nightmares or anything that night – yet, he panned it. I’m thinking it had more to do with the fact that they spent a bit more time telling the story than blasting aliens – and I suppose, to a kindergartener, that is pure horror.

Oh, but there’s definitely some cursing, so take that into consideration. Given how much we hear on radio and prime time TV these days, we’ve decided to take the “we don’t say that” disclaimer approach after hearing raw language, rather than put him in a bubble. But, to each his own.

Men in Black 3 is playing now in New Orleans. Visit here to get show times and location.

BIG EASY: Longue Vue House & Gardens

As someone with a history of poor stress management, it’s not unusual for me to go through occasional periods of insomnia and general “tightly-woundedness” (I’m officially coining that phrase). So, when I saw I could get into Longue Vue House & Gardens free of charge last Friday, in celebration of National Public Gardens Day, I thought, what a lovely excuse to take a little breather while creating a blog post!

My morning ran a little longer than I thought, so when I pulled into the tucked-away, bamboo-lined drive at the edge of Old Metairie a full 45 minutes later than I’d planned, I started off on the wrong foot. Immediately, my brain started calculating how much time I could spend here, then get home and tackle a huge to-do list, and still make it to school for pick-up time. STRESS! Thus, my plan became: briskly walk through, get the general gist, then hightail it out of there. Real relaxing, right?!

So, I blazed a trail to the entrance of the Discovery Garden (the first listing on my handy little map), but came to a screeching halt at the bamboo tunnel. Wow. I don’t know if bamboo has some sort of magical effect or if it’s inextricably tied to Eastern spiritual practices in my brain somewhere, but the calming Zen-effect was almost immediate. One or two of my 3,000 clenched muscles seemed to actually relax. Interesting.

Through the tunnel, the first thing I saw was a giant sundial that tells the time based on where your shadow falls. And that set the tone for this whimsical, interactive garden. Where to next? The elaborate herb section, broken down into categories including culinary, medicinal, and even bug repellant? The giant watering can hovering over the Get Gardening Bed stocked with lots of dirt and an abundance of froggy spades for little hands? The Worm Dig with trowels-o-plenty for hunting down the little wigglers? The Recycled Garden and its playful, kitschy display of bathroom fixtures as planters (toilets are pure hilarity to all children, and most men, I think)? All are equally cool.

There’s also a box turtle habitat; a butterfly house filled with big, fat, Disney-esque, Technicolor caterpillars chowing down on leaves; a growing box that allows you to slide open a door to reveal the roots and all the action below ground; and an area stocked with rakes and log-filled wagons for designing your own garden. Whew! (There is also a small, well-placed bank of nice, clean restrooms. Score!)

And, holy smokes, do these folks have programs for kids and families. Of course, there are their ongoing Kinder Garden and Little Masters programs -- which mix art, nature, education, and even movement -- but there are also tons of special events and classes scheduled throughout the year.

But, the Discovery Garden is only the first stop. On goes the tour… In addition to the beautiful surroundings, there’s something very soothing about pea gravel crunching under foot. The further I walked, the more I unwound. My pace slowed as I made my way to the koi pond at the entrance to the Wild Garden. The only drawback: traffic noise from beyond the fence. (It’s no big deal to reroute traffic to accommodate me on my next visit, right?) Luckily a waterfall mutes the traffic sounds a bit on the three serpentine paths that cut through swaths of irises, camellias, and an array of other native flowers and trees – all painstakingly labeled. The Wildflower Walk is lousy with lilies and other fragrant blooms – an excellent reason to take deep, cleansing breaths. Talk about aromatherapy!

Beyond is the lovely Walled Garden (originally the family’s kitchen garden) with its circular patterns and a sugar kettle fountain at the center; The Canal Garden with (duh) a canal-shaped fountain; and The Goldfish Pond and Overlook with another waterfall feature. And finally, I reached the source of the loud, spattering water sounds that had been luring me closer throughout my stroll – The Spanish Court.

After ceremoniously passing beneath a grand loggia, I was delighted by this vista (it’s the one most associated with Longue Vue): a long, lush corridor leading up the house, with a great reflecting pool and majestic arching fountains down the center, and walks along each side that are framed by garden walls and evenly spaced, unique water features, sculptures, plantings, and inviting seating areas. The attention to detail here is remarkable. The walks are paved with a mix of French tiles and polished Mexican pebbles, laid out in rhythmic patterns. I really wanted someone to offer me a refreshing afternoon cocktail and some nibbly things at one of the tables, and maybe a good book, so I’d have an excuse to linger here a little longer. No such luck. But the mere thought unkinked my few remaining tweaked muscles and left me all loosey-goosey.

Closer to the house is a terraced garden, with a geometric boxwood border and some amazingly fragrant trees and bushes. Gardenias are my very favorites and these are actually grown to resemble topiaries! There’s also a yellow garden flanking the adjacent Whim House, inspired by the family’s visit to a monochromatic garden in England.

Unlike the grand houses of River Road, this World War II-era mansion is less of a historical relic, and more of a snapshot of the Stern family who once inhabited it – with most of the furniture and accessories original to the house. Sure, there are amazing intricacies and lavish décor, but more importantly, there are personal artifacts like books, art, a doll collection, irreverent caricatures of Mr. Stern, and signed pictures (with personalized notes for the hostess) from famous guests like Eleanor Roosevelt – all as they left it. This actually makes it far more interesting to me. And I loved learning from the guided tour that the lady of the house had to wait until her modern-art-hating husband bit the dust to create her seemingly out-of-place modern art gallery in the back of the house! I wondered if she financed it with the money she made emptying out his wine cellar and auctioning off its extensive contents!

Ah, with my tour of the house and gardens complete, I felt amazingly calmed and adequately distracted from the noise and tedium of everyday life. I took one last look at the "oak alley" in front of the house, then hopped in the car, turned on a little WWOZ jazz… and promptly had some stupid jerky woman pull out in front of me on Metairie Rd. Are you crazy, you #@$%*! Ugh, right back where I started. But, I had a new secret weapon. “Go back to the koi pond, Liz. BE the koi pond…”

Note: I later returned with my 5-year-old to test the facility’s appeal to the wild, short-attention-spanned set, and I was thrilled with the results. Not only was he all over the hands-on stuff in the Discovery Garden, but he was enthralled with the rest of the gardens, especially the water features. He even did well on the house tour, which only lasted about 20 minutes.

For more information, visit http://www.longuevue.com/