BIG SCREEN: The Secret Life of Pets Revieux (PG)

If you’ve ever looked into your pets eyes and SWORE you could read their minds, this movie will probably feel like confirmation. Desperately missing you while you’re gone, expressing disdain for ho-hum kibble -- and I really need to create a meme of Chloe the cat (Lake Bell) saying, “As your friend, I’ve gotta be honest with you, I don’t care about you or your problems.” Hilarious!

But the star of the movie is content little Max the terrier (Louis C.K.), who’s living the perfect life with his doting owner and fellow pet buddies in a high-rise building in New York. He's devastated, however, when said-owner adopts a giant, disruptive mutt named Duke, and everything is ruined. As they clash and try to find ways to get rid of each other, the two dogs wind up loose on the streets where they fight ferocious alley cats, dogcatchers, and a deranged bunny/gang leader (Kevin Hart). A motley crew of pets mobilizes to rescue them, but help comes from an even more unlikely source.

My son and I go to LOTS of movies, and we’ve been watching the adorable and very lengthy trailers for months and months waiting for this movie’s release. All the while, I’ve worried that they gave too much away -- what can possibly be left after so many super cute scenes were revealed in the previews? Turns out, they did, indeed, give away too much. The movie still holds up, but some of the very best scenes lacked comedic impact because we knew all the punchlines already, darn it!

Having said that, it’s still an enjoyable movie, and they truly captured the exact essence of what I assume my neurotic, codependent dog goes through every time I leave the house. Louis C.K. is perfect for the voice of Max, and Jenny Slate manages to make a squeaky but determined little fluffball dog rather endearing, but it’s Kevin Hart who really steals the show with his over-the-top, high-octane delivery as Snowball, the borderline psychotic rabbit. Other members of the stellar cast include Dana Carvey, Albert Brooks, Ellie Kemper, Eric Stonestreet, and Bobby Moynihan.

Overall, it's just a fun little summer family movie. It opens today, July 8. Go here for local showtimes.  

BIG SCREEN: Blue Jasmine Revieux (Rated PG-13)

I suppose I should preface this by admitting that I was already a total jittery wreck, full of decongestant and coffee, when I arrived at the screening of Woody Allen’s latest film. I would’ve either skipped that last coffee, or maybe sucked down a Bloody Mary beforehand had I known more about the nature of Blue Jasmine. But, as per my usual pre-screening habit, I made sure not to read anything about it in advance so that I could be pleasantly surprised. 

(It has nothing to do with being lazy and unprepared. Really.)

So, the plot… Cate Blanchett plays a woman named Jasmine, and she’s really unhappy. (Get it? Blue Jasmine?) She’s a pampered Park Avenue wife who’s trying to regain her footing after her unscrupulous husband (Alec Baldwin) gets taken down by the feds, leaving her homeless and penniless. With nowhere else to turn, she moves in with her estranged, blue-collar sister Ginger (Sally Hawkins) in San Francisco, and thus begins her steady decline into madness.

She's much like I image Annie Hall would’ve turned out, if she’d gone on to become a shallow, soulless socialite. She’s perpetually nervous and jumpy, she talks to herself in public, and is quite fond of booze and pills. Despite feeling like I needed to breathe into a paper bag just watching her, I was willing to see where this anxiety-ridden little ride was heading at first. But I started to disconnect when I was expected to believe that a socially agile, modern woman -- who’d spearheaded multiple Manhattan charity events -- would have no idea how to operate a computer. As in, could barely turn one on. As in, she couldn’t even shop for Louis Vuitton bags on the Nieman Marcus website if her life depended on it.  And it’s the only thing keeping her from launching an interior design career, and therefore getting her life back on track.  M-kay.

What saves this movie from being totally "meh" for me is Cate Blanchett’s beautifully executed portrayal of this woman’s tragic and sloppy decline.  Impeccably dressed, but sporting perpetual mascara smudges and a Stoli buzz, she give us insight into the perspective of those wealthy women who enjoy their husbands’ ill-gotten riches, but turn a conveniently blind eye to the piracy behind the acquisition of the treasure – a la, Ruth Madoff.

Yes, this is definitely the Cate Blanchett show. But while none of the supporting characters were particularly interesting (Alec Baldwin as a morally corrupt husband? Ho-hum. What a stretch.), it was a treat to see an aging Andrew Dice Clay and Louis C.K. take on rather non-comedic roles. 

Being that I’m a big Woody Allen fan, I have certain expectations of his projects, and was pretty bummed when I realized this movie was not going to be chock full of his usual witty dialogue and playful neuroses. That, in itself, is not a crime. I guess he was going for a little social commentary and a character study, which I could appreciate, but overall, it really never hits its stride.

Bummer, indeed.

Now, where's that Xanax?