BIG SCREEN: Salmon Fishing in the Yemen Revieux (Rated PG-13)

I’ve seen far too many movies lately that jam together unnatural dialogue and not-quite-there (if not desperately lacking) performances in an obvious effort to hurriedly churn out movies that will, hopefully, just rake in some bucks. Blech. And just when I was about to lose faith, along comes what I can only be describe as… a delightful little film.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a sweet story about a charmingly geeky and awkward fisheries expert (Ewan McGregor) who is contacted by a consultant (Emily Blunt) whose client, a filthy rich, but deeply spiritual and philosophical sheik, wants to bring fly-fishing to a Middle Eastern desert. He balks at first, but soon finds there’s more than meets the eye in this seemingly silly, impossible task. It takes on great significance to all involved, and begins to mirror their personal struggles.

Sure, there are some geo-political elements sort of tossed into the mix. Culture clashes figure in. And, yeah, there’s a little humor and a sweet love story. But, it’s not a raucous romantic comedy. It’s not a searing social statement. And it’s not a political thriller.

Instead, it’s about gorgeous sweeping vistas and dry British wit and organic dialogue, and the kind of lovely performances for which director Lasse Halstrom (Chocolat, Cider House Rules) is famous for coaxing from his always-brilliant casts. (Case in point: I could watch an entire movie based solely on Kristin Scott Thomas’ deliciously prickly minor role in this movie.)

Someone told me that Halstrom mentioned in an interview that he wanted this movie to be to the audience like a glass of champagne. How perfect is that? Subtle, effervescent, and pairs well with salmon!

BIG SCREEN: Intruders Revieux (Rated R)

I’ll be honest. I’ve become a huge chicken in my old age. I’m much more nervous about flying these days, and I no longer crave adrenaline rushes via risky stunts (like skydiving or dating). And horror movies now scare the bejeezus out of me, which is why I was sort of dreading seeing Intruders. Not only is it a scary movie, but it involves a frightening being who tries to possess little kids.

This is the perfect storm for neurotic mommies with furtive imaginations. Like me.

Intruders is the story of two children who live in different countries, but are tormented by the same hooded, faceless creature named Hollowface, who creeps into their rooms at night. No one can see this creature except one of each of their parents, who both feel powerless to protect their children. Clive Owen plays the father of the British girl in this scenario, and everyone begins to question his sanity and parental fitness when a shrink suggests he and his daughter are suffering from shared hallucinations. As the movie progresses, the two storylines converge, revealing the connection between the two families, and their shared link to Hollowface.

Hm. So, the premise is intriguing, and the set-up was adequately eery. Clive is quite the opposite of horrifying to look at, and for the first half of the movie, I was quite nervous. Off to a good start. But, ultimately, this movie just left me hanging. I judge a horror movie – or any movie, for that matter – by how much it “follows” me afterwards. For instance, The Skin I Live In (the last horror film I saw) followed me to WalMart, where I suspected each and every shopper of conducting sadistic human experiments in their basements. That's pretty darn effective.

In my opinion, scary movies should leave you thinking irrationally and feeling paranoid. Intruders left me still trying to unravel the true motives and actual origins of the monster, instead of wondering if it was going to show up in my kid’s closet. And for that, I’m actually grateful.

Bawk bawk.

BIG EASY: Royal Sonesta Round Table... Festival Season Preview Edition

I love New Orleans and I love Dorothy Parker. So, imagine my excitement when I was invited to the Royal Sonesta to hear all about our fair city's upcoming festival season at this month’s Round Table Luncheon, which was founded in the spirit of New York’s infamous Algonquin Round Table. The invitation promised guest speakers, live entertainment, delicious cuisine, and, “and of course plenty of champagne, Darlings.”

I ask you -- who could say no to that?!

The event took place in the hotel’s gorgeous, newly renovated Fleur De Lis Suite, where we were greeted by a smiling gentleman with a table full of bubbly -- and, I'm happy to report, the delightful sound of popping champagne bottles was heard throughout the afternoon.

The best part... the monthly Round Table is hosted by New Orleans Living magazine's ebullient social columnist, Margarita "Darling" Bergen (pictured, right). As well as I’d thought I’d come to know New Orleans, I realized I’m still a babe in the woods when I got an eyeful and earful of the sassy Ms. Margarita. Girlfriend not only knows how to work a fabulous hat, but she works the room like nobody’s business, with a champagne flute in one hand and a microphone in the other. I'm told she knows everyone who's anyone in New Orleans. And she certainly embodies the city's energy. As gracious as she was, she also wasn’t afraid to sternly shush some chatty ladies who weren’t paying attention to the speakers.

Love. Her.

So, on to the festival news…

Marci Schramm, Executive Director of French Quarter Festivals, shared some highlights of the upcoming 29th annual French Quarter Fest, scheduled for April 12-15.

• Coco Robicheaux is playfully featured in this year’s festival poster (pictured, above), by artist Brandon Delles!
• They've added a full fourth day, dubbed Locals’ Lagniappe Day
• There are now 22 music stages, including a new cabaret stage and a traditional jazz stage
• Fireworks are back on Saturday night
• The Children’s Headquarters is expanding to both the Riverfront and the Hermann-Grima House at 610 St. Louis Street
• The kickoff party will be at the House of Blues on Wednesday, April 11 from 6-9pm, featuring singer Robin Barnes.

For a full rundown of events and cool features (like a free shuttle service and smartphone app), visit their site.

Don Marshall, Executive Director of the Jazz and Heritage Foundation discussed the following:

• An economic study showed that Jazz Fest (coming up next month!) is second only to Mardi Gras for cultural events that bring money in to New Orleans – the Saints are third!
• Congo Square Rhythms Festival is this weekend, March 24-25
• Comanche Hunters (Mardi Gras Indians) Big Chief Keith “Ke Ke” Gibson will proudly lead his formidable and always pretty gang from New Orleans’ Ninth Ward during Jazz Fest
• The foundation is stepping up support of middle and high school music programs, including a new program called “Class Got Brass? A High School Brass Band Competition,” which will donate $20,000 worth of instruments to the top three schools that compete

As Terry Verigan, the treasurer of the Tennessee Williams New Orleans Literary Festival spoke, his words were often punctuated by booming thunderclaps, for which he thanked Tennessee! He highlighted the festival’s $1 million economic impact on the city (wow!), and mentioned that tickets to the festival, happening now through March 25, must now be purchased at Hotel Monteleone. Lots of activities, check out the schedule.

After we enjoyed our fabulous lunches and veteran actor and performer Vatican Lokey favored us with some Depression-era tunes (so apropos for the occasion!), the performer who plays adult Simba in The Lion King reminded us that show is going on at the Mahalia Jackson Theater through April 15.

Finally, some lovely Nola doyennes discussed the New Orleans Opera Association's 28th annual Mad Hatter's Luncheon (this year's theme is "Alice") at the Hilton New Orleans Riverside on March 27, as well as the Parkway Promenade, April 1 from 4-7pm, which provides funding for tree planting and beautification projects on public green spaces in Jefferson Parish.

(I'm sure I missed a thing or two but, gimme a break! A girl's gotta sip on that bottomless champagne glass every now and then!)

I have to confess, I bragged shamelessly to my friends in other cities via my personal Facebook page that I’d spent my afternoon surrounded by decadent decor and colorful Nola characters, while being plied with champagne, wine, and fab food. And I got to chat with lovely New Orleans psychic, Cari Roy, the whole time.

They all agreed... Best. City. Ever!

For more information on festivals and other goings-on on New Orleans, please visit www.kidsandfamilyonline.com, and click on the events calendar.

BIG SCREEN: October Baby Revieux (PG-13)

October Baby is the story of a 19-year-old girl named Hannah (Rachel Hendrix), whose world is turned upside down when she discovers the terrible circumstances surrounding her birth. Not only was she adopted, but she is the product of a failed abortion attempt. Determined to make sense of it all, she embarks on a road trip with her best friend, Jason (the adorable Jason Burkey), to find her birth mother and uncover the whole ugly truth. And, yes, it gets even uglier. Despite the agony she endures, she emerges with a profound capacity for forgiveness and compassion.

I was so pulling for this to be a good movie. The concept of a young girl coming to grips with such an unimaginable revelation is compelling and intriguing. Handled correctly, it could be a beautiful, multi-dimensional story that could override any pre-conceived political or morals leanings. There are some genuinely touching moments sprinkled throughout the movie, but, unfortunately, it’s really poorly executed. Which is a shame.

The acting’s not bad, the production quality isn’t either, but the screenplay is a mess. First of all, the reason Hannah finds out about her birth is because she collapses during a school play, and her doctor and parents (John Schneider and Shari Rigby) finally decide to explain the reason for the litany of health issues that have plagued her all her life: she was severely premature.

This seems like basic information they could have shared with her long ago, but okay, proceed. While sitting rigidly apart from their daughter in a sterile doctor’s office, her parents also blurt out that she was adopted. And, oh yeah – your birth mother tried to abort you. Call me crazy, but this seemed totally unnecessary and cruel from a parental point of view. The adoption part probably should have been broken to her in the comfort of their home, in a tender and loving way. And the abortion part probably could’ve been left out. Oh my gosh, what possible reason could you have for telling your child this? I’ll tell you why, because the screenwriters were too lazy to come up with a more creative way for her to find out.

Another odd little element in this scene occurred when the doctor was leading up to the big revelation. He tells her that this terrible truth is the common denominator for all her illnesses and the emotional distress that led her to write about self-hatred and borderline suicidal thoughts in her journal.

Wait, what? Were they saying she suffered emotional scars from the failed abortion? I chose natural childbirth, which wound up leading to a very traumatic labor and delivery for my son – are they saying the circumstances of a child’s birth could damage them psychologically for life? Good grief, I’d like to see the research on this. Actually, no I wouldn’t. But thanks for planting that troubling concept in my head, and for distracting me from the central message of the movie.

As Hannah sets off on her journey to find her birth mother, there are some glaringly silly distractions along the way. Like when, on two occasions, they get into serious trouble with the law, but are let completely off the hook by police officers who melt like butter when Hannah blurts out her story. A little too convenient and unlikely. I mean, points for setting out stumbling blocks for our protagonist to overcome, but deductions for the lame resolutions, or lack thereof. Oh, and did I mention that the same girl who was in constant contact with her inhaler for the first ten minutes of the film, and who was just released from an overnight stay in the hospital, is miraculously healthy and strong throughout the rather grueling trip?

Like I said, there were some genuinely touching moments in the movie, and it had some real potential. Hendrix did a good job of conveying Hannah’s agony. At times, I sort of bought the father-daughter connection (which is more than I can say for mother-daughter one). The relationship between Hannah and Jason is quite sweet, and Jasmine Guy certainly turns in a strong performance in her brief but pivotal role. But, overall, it felt like a sloppy after school special. It wasn’t overly preachy or political, but it didn’t feel authentic -- like the writers took too many shortcuts.

I’m all for a movie with a positive message, but how about take the time to finesse a plausible and well-structured screenplay to support that message? It will probably play well to a limited audience (mainly teen girls, and maybe some parents), but I think they wasted the opportunity to appeal to a wider audience. Which is a shame.

October Baby opens at AMC Elmwood Palace in Harahan on Friday, March 23.

BIG EASY: 'Disney’s The Lion King' Theater Revieux (with special guest revieuxer…)

Okay, so Les Bon Temps Mom was not feeling very bon on Friday, the night Disney’s The Lion King, presented by Broadway in New Orleans, opened at the Mahalia Jackson Theater for the Performing Arts here in New Orleans. So, Les Bon Temps Dad took our 6-year-old son, who is making his debieux today, as Les Bon Temps Boy.

It sounded like a good idea at the time. However, getting his feedback was a little like trying to eat Jell-O with chopsticks. But, let’s give it a shot. Take it away, LBT Boy…

When we got there, we were kind of early. We had to wait about eight hours for the show to start, but I got a Capri Sun and a goody bag with pretzels and fruit snacks. That was good.

So, you somehow entered a timewarp, but managed to score awesome refreshments. Got it. Do go on.

Then we got to our seats, and they started playing music, and giraffes and birds and a “hunormous” elephant came marching in from behind us. They were puppets. Some looked real, and some didn’t. I could see the strings sometimes. They really need to work on getting invisible strings.

Duly noted.

When asked to elaborate on the puppets, his description became more show than tell, with a whole lot of pantomime and sound effects, so LBT Dad had to step in with a more coherent explanation. Much of the puppetry involves mechanical headpieces and large, elaborate costumes that require tools, and often more than one person, to move all the parts. A little research revealed that the techniques they use are Bunraku Puppetry from Japan, and shadow puppetry from Indonesia.

Okay, back to LBT Boy. Let’s hear about the story…

Simba’s dad (Mufasa, the king) is trying to teach him how to be a lion, but everyone laughed when he tried to roar. His uncle (Scar) was a bad lion who kills his father. Simba was trying to climb up to get away from a herd of wildebeests. His father came to help, but the uncle stabbed him with his claws and made him get run over. I didn’t like that part.

Simba’s uncle tells him it’s his fault his dad died, so Simba runs away. His new friends are a hog (Pumba, the warthog) and a little tiny guy with a hairy head and a hairy bottom (that’d be Timon, the meerkat), and he grows up. And his friends teach him to say “potato potata” (he either meant ”hakuna matata,” or the production has gone Gershwin, which I would enjoy). He went back and met his girlfriend and they kissed! Oooooh, we can’t have girlfriends at school! Then Simba got to be king.

Excellent. So, the storyline is easy to follow. And PDA is discouraged in kindergarten. Good to know.

I didn’t need to ask about his favorite part, as he interjected it into his synopsis (which I edited out, you're welcome) about every minute-and-a-half. Apparently, there is a monkey who occasionally pops in to shake its bottom or swing across the stage. LBT Dad informed me that this took up about 30 seconds of the entire show, but, if the level of hysterical laughter is any indication, it will be the highlight of LBT Boy's oral review to his schoolmates. And a letter home will likely follow.

How ‘bout some final words from LBT Boy...

What did you like least about the show?

When Simba’s dad died.

What did you like best? Besides the monkey.

I liked the music and the lights and the costumes.

Would you go see it again?

No. It was too long.

But , would you recommend it to your friends?

Yes!

Why?

Because they’d really like to see the monkey shaking his bottom!

Sigh. Jell-O and chopsticks, folks.

The Lion King is at the Mahalia Jackson Theater through April 15. Despite LBT Dad’s hilarious impression of LBT Boy’s frequent fidgeting and brief nap, they both gave the show high marks, overall. At almost 2 ½ hours (with a 15 minute intermission), perhaps the show runs a little long (especially the 8pm shows) for some kids. Maybe try an earlier show and/or stick with kids over 8. Go here for ticket information.

BIG SCREEN: A Separation Revieux

I knew relatively little about A Separation when I walked into the screening. I knew it was an Iranian movie that had won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film the night before, but that’s pretty much it. Given what’s going on in that region of the world, I assumed this would be a highly political film, but nothing could be further from the truth. What a pleasant surprise.

A Separation is the story of an Iranian couple in the midst of crisis. Simin, the wife, wants to move abroad, while the husband, Nader, feels compelled to remain in Iran to care for his father, who lives with them and suffers from Alzheimer’s. They reach a total impasse, and things get ugly. Caught in the middle is their bright and sensitive 11-year-old daughter, who is obviously suffering under the strain of the contention.

As the strife escalates, Simin moves out, and a series of terrible events leads to even more legal and emotional distress for all involved.

It’s definitely a well-written, beautifully acted, heartbreaking story, but what elevates it, in my book, is its raw humanity. There’s no political message, no agenda. It completely transcends any cultural differences, making it totally relatable.

Hm, we may not be as different as we thought? What a concept.

I know a lot of people are turned off by foreign films and their subtitles, but man – it’s such a great opportunity to get some new perspective on other cultures, beyond the rhetoric and actions of their politicians. It ain’t gonna settle any international disputes, but a little artistic common ground and a little objectivity couldn’t hurt.

A Separation opens today at Canal Place Theatres.