So, once again, I sent six-year-old Les Bon Temps Boy (with Les Bon Temps Dad) in my place. The last time I did this, I wound up comparing the process of coaxing a review from LBT Boy to eating Jell-O with chopsticks. Well, I’m happy to report, there’s been some improvement. This time, it was more like eating a Jell-O salad with chopsticks. I was actually able to harvest a couple of substantial chunks of feedback in between the slippery, wobbly bits. Not exactly meaty, but let’s give it a go…
Okay, Les Bon Temps Boy, tell me the story of The Pirates! Band of Misfits.
It was all about a captain who wanted to win a game and he had a parrot. It wasn’t really a parrot, it was a dodo. But he thought it was a parrot.
What the -- that’s the story?!
Oh, and the queen was trying to eat the dodo.
Um…?
(I look incredulously to my husband, who gives LBTB a little mental prodding.)
Okay. Let’s try this again. What’s it about?
There are these pirates, they like to eat ham. Their captain wanted to win a Pirate of the Year award, but all the rest of the pirates had big piles of loot, and he didn’t. So, he and his pirates go out and hold up all these weird ships. There’s a field trip ship with a bunch of kids, a ghost ship, and a ship where a guy’s arm falls off.
(It’s a plague ship, LBT Dad interjects.)
So, you’re saying they’re not very good pirates.
No! None of these ships had any gold or money!
Okay, I felt like I was getting a clear picture, but I decided to look it up. Believe it or not, this appears to be a pretty succinct and adequate synopsis of the movie, which is based on the first two books from Gideon Defoe's The Pirates! series.
According to Wikipedia:
“A crew of amateur pirates, under the direction of the ambitious, but equally inexpert Pirate Captain, try to plunder ships so that the Pirate Captain can accomplish his dream of winning the Pirate of the Year Award… After various failed raids on useless ships - including a plague boat, a *nudist boat (*He left that one out?!), and a ghost ship - they hijack the Beagle and encounter Charles Darwin, who informs them that Polly, the supposed parrot of the pirate crew, is actually the last living dodo. The pirates go with Darwin and his trained chimpanzee Mr. Bobo to London… Together, they find out that Queen Victoria is planning to eat Polly and other rare animals…”
Hey, not too shabby, LBT Boy! What was your favorite part?
I liked the monkey best because he holds up signs. And I liked when the guy said, “Some of you are fish dressed up with a hat. And some of you have a broken foot.”
Uh, okay. Guess you had to be there. What else did you like?
When they put the anchor down and they hit the guy in the head! And when the ship backs up and goes, "Beep! Beep! Beep!" And runs into a guy in a row boat!
Excellent. So, it’s pretty funny?
Yes, it’s like Zookeeper.
(I don't recall either of us liking that movie -- see the above link for proof.)
It's like Zookeeper because... there are talking animals?
No! (laughs mockingly) I just told you, the monkey has to hold up signs! He can't talk!
But, you said it was like… never mind. Tell me this -- is it funnier than The Three Stooges?
Hm. Hmmm. Let me think. Um... hm.
Hello? Try to focus here. Not a tough question. I need an answer.
Hmm. No. But it’s still funny. And it was better than Mirror Mirror.
I see. Would you recommend it to your friends?
Yes! I would tell them, “You should go because it’s funny and you would love to see it!”
There ya have it. Another ringing endorsement. Which is backed up by the fact that the movie poster, pictured above, is lovingly tacked up on his bedroom wall, prompting sporadic bedtime recall of random, but apparently hilarious scenarios from the movie.
The Pirates! Band of Misfits opens in New Orleans today, April 27. Click here for a list of theaters and showtimes.
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