BIG EASY: Longue Vue House & Gardens

As someone with a history of poor stress management, it’s not unusual for me to go through occasional periods of insomnia and general “tightly-woundedness” (I’m officially coining that phrase). So, when I saw I could get into Longue Vue House & Gardens free of charge last Friday, in celebration of National Public Gardens Day, I thought, what a lovely excuse to take a little breather while creating a blog post!

My morning ran a little longer than I thought, so when I pulled into the tucked-away, bamboo-lined drive at the edge of Old Metairie a full 45 minutes later than I’d planned, I started off on the wrong foot. Immediately, my brain started calculating how much time I could spend here, then get home and tackle a huge to-do list, and still make it to school for pick-up time. STRESS! Thus, my plan became: briskly walk through, get the general gist, then hightail it out of there. Real relaxing, right?!

So, I blazed a trail to the entrance of the Discovery Garden (the first listing on my handy little map), but came to a screeching halt at the bamboo tunnel. Wow. I don’t know if bamboo has some sort of magical effect or if it’s inextricably tied to Eastern spiritual practices in my brain somewhere, but the calming Zen-effect was almost immediate. One or two of my 3,000 clenched muscles seemed to actually relax. Interesting.

Through the tunnel, the first thing I saw was a giant sundial that tells the time based on where your shadow falls. And that set the tone for this whimsical, interactive garden. Where to next? The elaborate herb section, broken down into categories including culinary, medicinal, and even bug repellant? The giant watering can hovering over the Get Gardening Bed stocked with lots of dirt and an abundance of froggy spades for little hands? The Worm Dig with trowels-o-plenty for hunting down the little wigglers? The Recycled Garden and its playful, kitschy display of bathroom fixtures as planters (toilets are pure hilarity to all children, and most men, I think)? All are equally cool.

There’s also a box turtle habitat; a butterfly house filled with big, fat, Disney-esque, Technicolor caterpillars chowing down on leaves; a growing box that allows you to slide open a door to reveal the roots and all the action below ground; and an area stocked with rakes and log-filled wagons for designing your own garden. Whew! (There is also a small, well-placed bank of nice, clean restrooms. Score!)

And, holy smokes, do these folks have programs for kids and families. Of course, there are their ongoing Kinder Garden and Little Masters programs -- which mix art, nature, education, and even movement -- but there are also tons of special events and classes scheduled throughout the year.

But, the Discovery Garden is only the first stop. On goes the tour… In addition to the beautiful surroundings, there’s something very soothing about pea gravel crunching under foot. The further I walked, the more I unwound. My pace slowed as I made my way to the koi pond at the entrance to the Wild Garden. The only drawback: traffic noise from beyond the fence. (It’s no big deal to reroute traffic to accommodate me on my next visit, right?) Luckily a waterfall mutes the traffic sounds a bit on the three serpentine paths that cut through swaths of irises, camellias, and an array of other native flowers and trees – all painstakingly labeled. The Wildflower Walk is lousy with lilies and other fragrant blooms – an excellent reason to take deep, cleansing breaths. Talk about aromatherapy!

Beyond is the lovely Walled Garden (originally the family’s kitchen garden) with its circular patterns and a sugar kettle fountain at the center; The Canal Garden with (duh) a canal-shaped fountain; and The Goldfish Pond and Overlook with another waterfall feature. And finally, I reached the source of the loud, spattering water sounds that had been luring me closer throughout my stroll – The Spanish Court.

After ceremoniously passing beneath a grand loggia, I was delighted by this vista (it’s the one most associated with Longue Vue): a long, lush corridor leading up the house, with a great reflecting pool and majestic arching fountains down the center, and walks along each side that are framed by garden walls and evenly spaced, unique water features, sculptures, plantings, and inviting seating areas. The attention to detail here is remarkable. The walks are paved with a mix of French tiles and polished Mexican pebbles, laid out in rhythmic patterns. I really wanted someone to offer me a refreshing afternoon cocktail and some nibbly things at one of the tables, and maybe a good book, so I’d have an excuse to linger here a little longer. No such luck. But the mere thought unkinked my few remaining tweaked muscles and left me all loosey-goosey.

Closer to the house is a terraced garden, with a geometric boxwood border and some amazingly fragrant trees and bushes. Gardenias are my very favorites and these are actually grown to resemble topiaries! There’s also a yellow garden flanking the adjacent Whim House, inspired by the family’s visit to a monochromatic garden in England.

Unlike the grand houses of River Road, this World War II-era mansion is less of a historical relic, and more of a snapshot of the Stern family who once inhabited it – with most of the furniture and accessories original to the house. Sure, there are amazing intricacies and lavish décor, but more importantly, there are personal artifacts like books, art, a doll collection, irreverent caricatures of Mr. Stern, and signed pictures (with personalized notes for the hostess) from famous guests like Eleanor Roosevelt – all as they left it. This actually makes it far more interesting to me. And I loved learning from the guided tour that the lady of the house had to wait until her modern-art-hating husband bit the dust to create her seemingly out-of-place modern art gallery in the back of the house! I wondered if she financed it with the money she made emptying out his wine cellar and auctioning off its extensive contents!

Ah, with my tour of the house and gardens complete, I felt amazingly calmed and adequately distracted from the noise and tedium of everyday life. I took one last look at the "oak alley" in front of the house, then hopped in the car, turned on a little WWOZ jazz… and promptly had some stupid jerky woman pull out in front of me on Metairie Rd. Are you crazy, you #@$%*! Ugh, right back where I started. But, I had a new secret weapon. “Go back to the koi pond, Liz. BE the koi pond…”

Note: I later returned with my 5-year-old to test the facility’s appeal to the wild, short-attention-spanned set, and I was thrilled with the results. Not only was he all over the hands-on stuff in the Discovery Garden, but he was enthralled with the rest of the gardens, especially the water features. He even did well on the house tour, which only lasted about 20 minutes.

For more information, visit http://www.longuevue.com/

BIG SCREEN: The Pirates! Band of Misfits 3D Revieux (Rated PG)

I was so bummed to miss The Pirates! Band of Misfits screening. Real stop-motion animation in this day and age? Monty-Python-esque humor in a Wallace and Gromit-type format? Familiar voices, like Hugh Grant, Salma Hayek, and Jeremy Piven? I was so looking forward to it, but alas, less-fun duty called. Phooey.

So, once again, I sent six-year-old Les Bon Temps Boy (with Les Bon Temps Dad) in my place. The last time I did this, I wound up comparing the process of coaxing a review from LBT Boy to eating Jell-O with chopsticks. Well, I’m happy to report, there’s been some improvement. This time, it was more like eating a Jell-O salad with chopsticks. I was actually able to harvest a couple of substantial chunks of feedback in between the slippery, wobbly bits. Not exactly meaty, but let’s give it a go…

Okay, Les Bon Temps Boy, tell me the story of The Pirates! Band of Misfits.

It was all about a captain who wanted to win a game and he had a parrot. It wasn’t really a parrot, it was a dodo. But he thought it was a parrot.

What the -- that’s the story?!

Oh, and the queen was trying to eat the dodo.

Um…?

(I look incredulously to my husband, who gives LBTB a little mental prodding.)

Okay. Let’s try this again. What’s it about?

There are these pirates, they like to eat ham. Their captain wanted to win a Pirate of the Year award, but all the rest of the pirates had big piles of loot, and he didn’t. So, he and his pirates go out and hold up all these weird ships. There’s a field trip ship with a bunch of kids, a ghost ship, and a ship where a guy’s arm falls off.

(It’s a plague ship, LBT Dad interjects.)

So, you’re saying they’re not very good pirates.

No! None of these ships had any gold or money!

Okay, I felt like I was getting a clear picture, but I decided to look it up. Believe it or not, this appears to be a pretty succinct and adequate synopsis of the movie, which is based on the first two books from Gideon Defoe's The Pirates! series.

According to Wikipedia:

“A crew of amateur pirates, under the direction of the ambitious, but equally inexpert Pirate Captain, try to plunder ships so that the Pirate Captain can accomplish his dream of winning the Pirate of the Year Award… After various failed raids on useless ships - including a plague boat, a *nudist boat (*He left that one out?!), and a ghost ship - they hijack the Beagle and encounter Charles Darwin, who informs them that Polly, the supposed parrot of the pirate crew, is actually the last living dodo. The pirates go with Darwin and his trained chimpanzee Mr. Bobo to London… Together, they find out that Queen Victoria is planning to eat Polly and other rare animals…”

Hey, not too shabby, LBT Boy! What was your favorite part?

I liked the monkey best because he holds up signs. And I liked when the guy said, “Some of you are fish dressed up with a hat. And some of you have a broken foot.”

Uh, okay. Guess you had to be there. What else did you like?

When they put the anchor down and they hit the guy in the head! And when the ship backs up and goes, "Beep! Beep! Beep!" And runs into a guy in a row boat!

Excellent. So, it’s pretty funny?

Yes, it’s like Zookeeper.

(I don't recall either of us liking that movie -- see the above link for proof.)

It's like Zookeeper because... there are talking animals?

No! (laughs mockingly) I just told you, the monkey has to hold up signs! He can't talk!

But, you said it was like… never mind. Tell me this -- is it funnier than The Three Stooges?

Hm. Hmmm. Let me think. Um... hm.

Hello? Try to focus here. Not a tough question. I need an answer.

Hmm. No. But it’s still funny. And it was better than Mirror Mirror.

I see. Would you recommend it to your friends?

Yes! I would tell them, “You should go because it’s funny and you would love to see it!”

There ya have it. Another ringing endorsement. Which is backed up by the fact that the movie poster, pictured above, is lovingly tacked up on his bedroom wall, prompting sporadic bedtime recall of random, but apparently hilarious scenarios from the movie.

The Pirates! Band of Misfits opens in New Orleans today, April 27. Click here for a list of theaters and showtimes.

BIG SCREEN: Bully Revieux (Rated PG-13)

What is it now, rated PG-13? R? Unrated? All this hullaballoo over the ratings of Bully is such a shame, as it seems to have confused the heck out of conscientious parents who are torn between teaching their kids a valuable social lesson and exposing them to potentially harmful content. Well, I’m here to tell you – if my son were about 10 years old, I would absolutely take him to see this. I think by then, he could handle a little nasty language, but more importantly, he would be able to properly process the horrors of bullying without having nightmares about enduring similar scenarios portrayed in the movie. Those two issues make the movie a bit too harsh for my 6-year-old, but shouldn't pose any risk for tweens and teens.

So, the movie. It’s a documentary that follows a handful of parents and kids who either are or have endured vicious bullying. They show the reaction (or lack thereof) of school administrators and local officials, and they show, in a brutally honest fashion, the impact of these kids’ torment. This includes isolation, incarceration, and even suicide.

I made it about ¾ of the way through the movie before I completely lost it. It was devastating to watch kids endure emotional torture, but it was the parents and best friend of an 11-year-old boy who had just recently committed bullying-induced suicide that rendered my digging of fingernails into my palms useless against the onslaught of raw emotion.

What impressed me most was when the filmmakers decided, in the middle of production, to show the footage to one of their subject’s parents, as the bullying was escalating into physical attacks. The resulting reactions from his parents and the school officials are incredibly poignant and they illuminate other dimensions of the problem. Adding to the integrity of the film is the fact that it’s backed by The Bully Project, a campaign that’s designed to bring together partner organizations that share a commitment to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society. The website is loaded with information and resources.

Bully is painful, but it’s powerful and important. See it. Show it to your kids. And let the discussions begin.

BIG SCREEN: Life Happens Revieux (Rated R)

What would happen if a 20-something party girl got pregnant, chose to have the baby on her own, and remain in the house with her party buddy roommates?

Life Happens presents an interesting premise, for sure. Having been a 20-something party girl, and now a boring old married mommy, I was curious to see how these two worlds might collide on-screen.

We start off witnessing a fight over the use of the very last condom in the house, then cut to a year later, as new mommy Kim (Krysten Ritter) – who obviously lost that fight -- is struggling to redefine herself within the confines of single mommyhood. In the meantime, her roomies, Deena (Kate Bosworth), an acerbic writer, and Laura (Rachel Bilson), a flighty virgin, have very cheerfully accepted the roles of live-in babysitters. (Apparently, they are saints.) Now, Kim faces a new challenge: trying to reenter the dating scene. She meets a hot dude, omits her parental status, finds herself caught in a web of lies, her friendships begin to unravel, and both hilarity and disillusionment ensue.

Let me say, first and foremost, that this really is a delightful little cast. Talented, amusing, beautiful… they’ve got it all. Except an awesome script. It’s got some really funny moments, but it’s incredibly flawed and disjointed.

One of my biggest issues with this movie was that it seemed to borrow very heavily from the Friends tv series. Really. Almost verbatim from a couple of quite memorable Monica-and-Rachel scenarios. And while I’m certainly one who’s willing to suspend disbelief for the sake of comedy, it’s a little much to accept that this girl Kim is able to afford rent and utilities in a huge house in L.A. (and later, her own bungalow), baby expenses, car expenses, and incidentals on a DOG WALKER’S salary. Plus, the sharing of childcare is one thing, but the presence of a loud, messy, needy little being in the house seems to have barely put a crimp in the roommates’ swinging single lifestyles. Huh? Talk about fantasy!

I really wanted to like this movie because it had potential, but it just lacked focus. What was the point? A cautionary contraceptive tale? A buddy movie about the evolution of friendship as people enter new phases of life? Because either way, it never took any of the conflicts very seriously, and its portrayal of raising a baby on your own was laughable.

Sigh. Maybe I’m just old and unhip -- and too experienced with the truth about babies to appreciate Life Happens. But maybe young, hip writers should stick to what they know. “Life” hasn’t “happened” to them yet, so maybe they should go with conflicts that are less complicated than child-rearing – like boy trouble. Or Israel vs. Palestine.

BIG SCREEN: Salmon Fishing in the Yemen Revieux (Rated PG-13)

I’ve seen far too many movies lately that jam together unnatural dialogue and not-quite-there (if not desperately lacking) performances in an obvious effort to hurriedly churn out movies that will, hopefully, just rake in some bucks. Blech. And just when I was about to lose faith, along comes what I can only be describe as… a delightful little film.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a sweet story about a charmingly geeky and awkward fisheries expert (Ewan McGregor) who is contacted by a consultant (Emily Blunt) whose client, a filthy rich, but deeply spiritual and philosophical sheik, wants to bring fly-fishing to a Middle Eastern desert. He balks at first, but soon finds there’s more than meets the eye in this seemingly silly, impossible task. It takes on great significance to all involved, and begins to mirror their personal struggles.

Sure, there are some geo-political elements sort of tossed into the mix. Culture clashes figure in. And, yeah, there’s a little humor and a sweet love story. But, it’s not a raucous romantic comedy. It’s not a searing social statement. And it’s not a political thriller.

Instead, it’s about gorgeous sweeping vistas and dry British wit and organic dialogue, and the kind of lovely performances for which director Lasse Halstrom (Chocolat, Cider House Rules) is famous for coaxing from his always-brilliant casts. (Case in point: I could watch an entire movie based solely on Kristin Scott Thomas’ deliciously prickly minor role in this movie.)

Someone told me that Halstrom mentioned in an interview that he wanted this movie to be to the audience like a glass of champagne. How perfect is that? Subtle, effervescent, and pairs well with salmon!