BIG EASY: Butterfly Tea Party at the Windsor Court Hotel

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had an unnatural affinity for fancy hotels. Not upscale boutiques or snooty country clubs, but fancy hotels. It’s a bonus if I’m an actual guest, but merely enjoying their luxurious lobbies, lounges, and cafes gives me a lovely contact high that can last for days. Who knows why? Perhaps it’s weird residual past-life stuff, but the Oak Room at the Plaza in New York is like my own personal Mecca. So, when I moved to New Orleans and discovered the abundance of beautiful hotels, I fell even more deeply in love with the city.

Naturally, when I heard the Windsor Court Hotel and the Audubon Insectarium were co-hosting a “Butterfly Tea,” I was drawn to it like… well, a moth to a flame (lame, sorry). I’m also well aware that I have a very small window before my five-year-old son (a) starts really distinguishing between “boy” events and “girl” events, (b) stops wanting to hang out with mommy, and (c) is past the point of learning proper manners expected of guests at the aforementioned fancy hotels that mommy loves so much. So, I have to strike while the iron’s hot with stuff like this!

I found it both amusing and telling that when we pulled into the quaint courtyard, I had to convince my son it was quite okay to leave the car in the care of the valet – he’d bring it back. (Yeah, gotta get out more!) But it turned into a good lesson in etiquette and protocol later when I let him be the one to present the valet with our claim ticket and to tip him when he delivered the car. My brief tutorial on tipping servers and service staff probably went right over his head, but it doesn’t hurt to plant the seed early, right?

Cheerful doormen ushered us into the lobby where a photographer encouraged us to pose in front of giant butterfly image. The photo was presented to us later at our tables as a little bonus. Very sweet. After we took a short, exploratory stroll around the vast lobby to check out its oil paintings and regal decor, they began seating the guests. In addition to delicate china place settings, each table was adorned with a plexiglass case containing a pretty little bouquet nestled in a bed of Spanish moss with several live butterflies clinging to the blooms. Ours were a bit lethargic for my son’s taste, as he repeated a thousand times, but I felt giving the case a violent shake might be viewed as a bit tacky.

So, he settled for a visit to the Insectarium’s little display table to check out some pink katydids (my very favorite bug at the Insectarium), an intimidating-looking Indonesian beetle, a mantis, and a pair of display cases filled with lots of pinned-down moths and butterflies. The ladies manning the table were not only very knowledgeable, but very patient as they deftly handled the endless barrage of questions thrown at them by inquisitive little party guests. No shortage of curiosity in that bunch!

For this particular Afternoon Tea, Windsor Court's Le Salon offered a special children’s service, which included butterfly-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a chocolate chip scone, colorfully iced butterfly cookies, and huge chocolate-covered strawberries. Adults had their choice of the “Classic” or “Royal” tea services. But, dahhhhling, for $8 more, who wouldn’t go for the Royal Tea which, in addition to the standard scones, tea sandwiches, and sweets, includes both smoked salmon and caviar canapés, AND your choice of a glass of sherry, champagne or chardonnay? I mean, reeeally!

(Note: Keep in mind for future grown-up ladies’ events, they also have a lengthy menu of amazingly decadent-sounding “sparkling wine cocktails,” with names like “Cerulean Sky” and “Sparkling Mint Julep.” Who’s free tomorrow night?!)

After scanning the sizable tea menu packed with lovely and detailed descriptions, I settled on the jasmine tea with its heavenly perfume. We’re talking serious ooh la la here, people. Of course, they offered lemonade as a tea alternative for the kids. I love that my son requested that I pour his into a dainty teacup, then suggested a toast: “One for all, and all for one!” Oh, why the heck not, right? But I convinced him that a light tap would probably be more prudent than slamming our cups together like a couple of pirates.

I have to say, I was incredibly pleased with the boy’s overall manners – and it seemed to be contagious. Not a single wild outburst from anyone the whole time we were there. I have to believe that, in addition to outstanding parenting, the elegant environment somehow must have influenced the youngsters. With the piano softly playing theme songs from children’s movies in the background (nice touch!), my son and I chatted, we nibbled, we sipped, we even laughed ‘til we cried at one point! (Okay, I’ll fess up. After one of his many complaints about the sleepy butterflies, I quite absentmindedly suggested maybe they were getting ready to turn into caterpillars. I have no excuse for such an idiotic statement, but much hilarity ensued, so it was worth it.)

Our server was very sweet and attentive throughout our visit, so at the conclusion of the tea, I decided to let it slide when she quite innocently said, “Oh, you’re all done? Most people have to take some home with them.” Hm. I was thinking, “Lady, I saved up all my daily calories for this. Be glad I didn’t lick the lemon curd right out of the dainty little bowl!” (I said I was thinking it, I didn't actually say it. Manners, y'know.)

Hours later, my son was sweaty and disgusting in his permanently stained baseball uniform, and I was cheering for him from the bleachers. Gotta love the yin and yang!

If you weren’t able to make it to this particular event, you’re in luck! Next month, on Friday, July 29th and Saturday, July 30th, the Windsor Court will be hosting a “Princess Tea.” Crown-shaped goodies, royal martinis, royal purple lemonade, royal decorations, and a crown for each princess? I might have to borrow someone’s little girl for this one!

For reservations, call 504-596-4773 or visit http://www.windsorcourthotel.com/.

For more information on the Audubon Insectarium, visit http://www.auduboninstitute.org/visit/insectarium.

BIG SCREEN: Cars 2 Revieux (Rated G)

I can’t even begin to estimate how many times I watched the first Cars movie between 2007-2008. Around the time my son turned two, he fell in love with the DVD and so did we, because it was the only thing that made him remain somewhat still. Ever. He was also a terrible eater, so nightly dinner screenings bought us a calm, quiet mealtime for many months. (Don’t judge. It saved our sanity, and never fear -- we broke him of the habit by age three.)

You’d think that after hundreds of viewings, I would’ve grown to hate it, but I honestly never did. Why? I guess it was the perfect balance of humor, sweetness, and nostalgia. The story was fairly simple, but the message was strong and the characters were so stinkin’ loveable. Movie magic! When I heard that the sequel was going to take place in Europe and feature a spy story, I feared they were overreaching. And I was right.

In Cars 2, Tow Mater (still Larry the Cable Guy) accompanies Lightning McQueen (still Owen Wilson) as he crosses the Atlantic to race on the European circuit. Through a series of mishaps, Mater is mistaken for a secret agent and has the opportunity to prove he’s not just a silly jalopy who exists for everyone else’s amusement. The legendary Michael Caine voices Finn McMissile, a suave Aston Martin/British Agent and Emily Mortimer (Shutter Island) plays his associate Holly Shiftwell, a purple Bond-girlish car that can fly. The old supporting cast sort of pops up at the beginning and end, but they serve no real purpose.

Here’s the deal, I totally understand ramping everything up to extreme levels with the third or fourth installment of a franchise, when they run out of ideas – but, for number two? Oy. They couldn’t come up with a storyline a little closer to home, with just a hint of the aforementioned sweetness and nostalgia?

Doc is gone. No explanation. Obviously we all know Paul Newman’s passing made it impossible to reprise that character, but they totally gloss over his absence. What a missed opportunity to have made this an integral part of the movie, somehow teaching kids to mourn the loss of someone while honoring their memory.

Or, how about this: with the influx of traffic and tourists that pour in after Lightning relocated his headquarters to Radiator Springs, everyone in town goes all slick and high-tech and commercial, then somehow they realize they have to simplify and regain their small-town camaraderie. Maybe?

Sigh. Instead we mindlessly trek around the world with jet cars and espionage and big oil vs. alternative fuel (I kid you not). The young ‘uns will like the action and the smattering of giggle-worthy jokes, but I doubt they’ll want to wear the DVD out, like with the old one. And the adults will miss certainly the emotional connection the original movie inspired. No heartstrings are tugged. No eyes become remotely misty. What a shame.

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG SCREEN: Bad Teacher Revieux (Rated R)

Cameron Diaz must have thought she’d died and gone to heaven when she read this script. I can’t imagine a more fun, liberating role to play than a really bad girl with few-to-no redeeming qualities. JACKPOT!

Her character, Elizabeth Halsey, is a trash-mouthed, hard-drinking, dope-smoking gold digger who got into teaching for all the wrong reasons, and is desperate to get right back out. When she gets dumped by her sugar daddy/fiancé, her priorities become: (a) lie, cheat and steal to raise money for breast implants (b) land the wealthy new substitute teacher (Justin Timberlake), and (c) make life miserable for her nemesis, an annoying, overly enthusiastic fellow teacher (Lucy Punch).

Notice that neither teach nor encourage her students appears on that list.

If you don’t like raunchy humor, you may as well just cut to my Cars 2 review right now. It’s alright, we won’t judge you for being tasteful!

Okay, for the rest of you, I can think of pretty much nothing I didn’t love about this movie. Yes, yes -- by day I’m a G-rated mommy who watches my language, minds my manners, and sets a good example for my little boy. But, man, there’s nothing like a good, uncensored hour-and-a-half of naughty humor to ease the tension. You remember movies like this from the 80s: Porky’s, Animal House, Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Bad Teacher's very cool 80s soundtrack underscores the similarities, by the way). But the difference is, the adult humor is perpetrated by the adults, not the teens, so we don’t have to feel like pervs watching it. And – most importantly – the leader of the raunchiness is a woman. I think it’s a first in this particular genre, and Diaz does us proud. She totally embraces the role and delivers, big time.

A major part of why this movie is so great is the amazing, amazing casting. All the supporting actors and actresses are as ideally suited to their roles as Diaz, and they totally commit to their characters. In addition to Timberlake, who’s not afraid to play a repressed little worm (did this add to the appeal for ex-girlfriend Cameron?!), and Punch, who goes delightfully over-the-top and borderline psychotic, Jason Segal adds a slightly Judge Reinhold/Brad Hamiltonesque quality to his portrayal of the lovable gym teacher who totally has Elizabeth’s number. But, next to Cameron Diaz, the star of the show has got to be Phyllis Smith, aka, Phyllis from The Office. She plays a self-conscious, nervous fellow teacher who inexplicably gravitates toward Elizabeth, takes on a sort of awkward sidekick role, and delivers some of the greatest lines in the movie.

Dudes will enjoy this movie, too, but, really, it’s let-your-hair-down, girls’-night-out perfection. On par with – and maybe even a shade funnier than -- Bridesmaids. Yeah, I said it!

Keep those funny-lady-driven comedies coming, Hollywood!

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG EASY: Musee Conti Wax Museum of New Orleans

…did you know there was one?! Even friends of mine who’ve lived here forever did not. I’ve passed it many times on Conti in the Quarter and have always been curious. And what better time than summer to hit some of the off-the-beaten-path local attractions that your kids haven’t had time to get sick of?

So, yes, once again I used my 5-year-old son as a guinea pig -- all in the name of science. I made sure not to hype it up too much, as I really had no idea what to expect. The museum is located in a super quiet, super sleepy back part of the Quarter, which adds to the mystique – and makes street parking a breeze. How often can you say that about this neighborhood?!

Before we began our self-guided tour (guided group/school tours are also available), we got a glimpse of their upstairs event facility. It’s a huge space with sky-high ceilings, exposed brick, a stage, two bars, and tons of tables and fancy gold chairs. Please invite me if you rent this place for an event. I love the idea of having a party at a wax museum… and I really need a reason to dress up. Sigh.

Anyway, on with the wax. This joint is awesomely dark and musty, as a wax museum in a historic building should be. It’s made up of four long halls lined with stalls that depict various events and characters significant to New Orleans’ history and lore. Instead of being merely displayed, most of the wax figures are staged within either uniquely characteristic situations or specific historical events. A plaque, or series of plaques, is posted in front of each stall, explaining the back story of each scene.

Of course, they cover all the usual suspects: pirate Jean Lafitte’s infamous meeting with Andrew Jackson, the Battle of New Orleans, Marie Laveau accepting payment from a bride seeking a little voodoo marital insurance, Mark Twain on a riverboat, Mardi Gras stuff, etc. Oh, and there's Napoleon, sitting in a bathtub (pictured, at top) as he explains to his brother and advisers how he made the Louisiana Purchase deal without consulting anyone else. We both got a huge kick out of this one -- especially the strategically placed sponge.

But, the very best part was the stuff that I’d never heard of before. Like the “Casket Girls” (pictured, right). Are you familiar? Apparently, the governor of Louisiana asked France to send over some prospective wives for the soldiers and city planners as New Orleans was in its infancy, and France obliged. Teenage girls made the long voyage over, each bearing only a small wooden casket of belongings, and were housed at the Ursuline Convent while the nuns arranged their marriages. Just as many Bostonians pride themselves on tracing their families back to the Mayflower, many New Orleanians feel similarly about the Casket Girls, according to the plaque. Hm. Seems slightly creepy, but it’s fascinating, nonetheless!

Down another hall, two guys in a boxing ring accompany the tidbit that Louisiana was the first state to legalize prize fighting. And gamblers gathered around an antique craps table (pictured, left) serve as the backdrop for the story of how the game allegedly got its name. The local Americans referred to the Creoles as frogs, or crapaud, which was shortened to become the name of the dice game that the warring factions both happened to adore.

I’m a total trivia geek, so of course I totally dug this place, but I was shocked that my son was not only into the eerie wax figures, but actually interested in my synopsis of each scene. I made them quite brief, of course, but still! This is an unusual and excellent way to add a little dimension to the boring textbook accounts of New Orleans history.

And, ps -- there's a surprise, random, creepy-gory dungeon hall at the very end, featuring everything from a Freddy Krueger figure to scenes from Edgar Allen Poe stories. Not sure if it's to serve as a treat for well-behaved kids, or a threat for the naughty ones...

For more information on the New Orleans Wax Museum, please visit http://www.neworleanswaxmuseum.com/.

BIG SCREEN: Green Lantern Revieux (PG-13)

I’m not a huge sci-fi fan, but I’ve been curious about this Green Hornet movie for a while. Mostly because it seems like they were filming here in New Orleans forever, so as childish as it is, I was curious to see if the scenes we witnessed made the final cut. Oh, and because the trailers looked relatively cool.

So, this Green Lantern comic book phenomenon – I thought I was familiar with the concept, but I think my feeble mind was confusing it with Green Hornet. (My apologies, comic book geeks of earth.) Apparently, “Green Lantern” refers to a whole legion of intergalactic policemen who have lantern-powered rings that allow them to conjure up stuff when they get in a jam. Have I sufficiently irritated GL fans with my lackluster description?! Whatever.

In the movie, Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds, Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place... Google this 90s sitcom gem) is a rebellious, death-defying test pilot who’s haunted by the memory of watching his dad, a celebrated pilot back in his day, die in a fiery jet crash. While he’s battling his demons and his inability to commit to anything, let alone former/soon-to-be-current love interest and fellow pilot, Carol Ferris (Blake Lively, Gossip Girl), there’s a cosmic showdown happening between the Green Lantern corps and an evil, giant space leviathan called Parallax. After it kills a mighty Green Lantern warrior, the fallen dude’s ring chooses Hal as a replacement. Parallax soon descends upon Earth and Hal must conquer his fears if he’s to save the planet, and perhaps, even the universe.

Alright, gotta tell you – I was pretty much ready to leave after the first 10 minutes of this movie. First of all, the 3-D was completely screwed up. Everything was jerky and distorted – and actually slightly better without the glasses. But the technical glitch wasn’t the only problem. The story was hokey, the dialogue was weak, and the acting was just awful! Blake Lively was anything but (lively, that is), and, despite the smokin’ bod and sexy perma-stubble, Ryan Reynolds was like a broken record with his trademark overly ironic delivery of every single line.

UGH! It was not looking good.

But, not long after the 3-D glitch was resolved, the movie seemed to sort of hit its stride. The romantic subplot was still lame and distracting (I hated that aspect of Spiderman, too – is this a chick flick or an action movie?!), but the spectacular special effects and fight sequences finally kicked in, as did the overall excitement. Really cool to look at. And Peter Sarsgaard (Dead Man Walking, Boys Don’t Cry, husband to Maggie Gyllenhaal) kicks some tail in his seriously creepy performance as a scientist who becomes infected by Parallax and transforms into a bubble-foreheaded psychopath.

Overall, content: flimsy. Visuals: cool. Cool enough to warrant a trip to the theater? I think so. But I suppose it depends on your priorities/mood/state of mind/standards. I have no concept of how this is being received by hardcore Green Lantern fans, as I don't speak geek, but I'm sure it will be excellent fodder for Comic-Con panel discussions. (Hm, I just might qualify as a geek for knowing what that is.)

FYI… some of the scenes where the Parallax sucks the life out of its victims were actually a little on the intense side. My five-year-old son is pretty tough and fearless when it comes to movies. He can handle the occasional PG-13 flick, but I’m thinking he’s not quite ready for this one.

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/