BIG EASY: Disney on Ice - Toy Story 3

Okay, I’m going to try to contain my cheapskate-driven irritation until after we talk about the cuteness of the actual show. But, holy smokes – what a racket!

Anway, the show. First of all, I found it hilarious that they announced beforehand that the smoke they use during the show is perfectly harmless, lest you think the House of Mouse is trying to kill you and your children. Also, they requested that you turn off your cell phones. Have they met their shrieking little banshee demographic? As if polite, seated children would shush a rude parent whose melodic ringtone dared to break the silence. Hysterical!

Now, I’m not a crazed Disney fan, but even I was a little excited to see Mickey and his posse open the show. Naturally, everyone went bananas, then they delved into the premise for this show. Have you seen Toy Story 3, yet (and bawled your eyes out)? If not, never fear. The ice show seamlessly weaves the plots of all three movies together, before revealing how they wrapped the trilogy up (I almost got misty again, doggone it) in the final movie. Reminiscing about past adventures is interspersed with musical skating numbers, and each of the major characters gets their moment in the spotlight.

This ain’t your Grandma’s Ice Capades, though. There are pyrotechnics, some high-flying entrances and exits, and some pretty elaborate, heavily populated numbers, like the one showcasing more Barbies than you’ve ever seen in your life! It’s loads of fun, but pretty lengthy (about 2 hours, including an intermission) and loud (and Emporer Zurg is a little scary), if you’ve got itty-bitties… or grownups, who might think an hour and a half would suffice!

But, please, may I kvetch? We were kind of annoyed that we had to pay to park in the UNO Lakefront Arena’s very own lot, but y’know, whatever. Take the $5. (Maybe they can put it towards hosing down the pavement with a little Roundup – ha.) But, good grief -- since when does cotton candy cost $12? And those ubiquitous little swirling light-up plastic toys -- $20? I saw families of five loaded down with nachos and candy and Buzz Lightyear cups and fairy wands, etc – and my brain melted, just trying to calculate the expense. Amazing. More power to ‘em.

As for me, I sprung for candy, a drink and popcorn. And the promise of a trip to the Dollar Tree tomorrow!

Disney on Ice: Toy Story 3 is playing now through Sunday, May 1, with multiple daily shows at UNO Lakefront Arena.

http://www.ticketmaster.com/venue/221659

(Having a slight technical glitch with the link, so a little cut-and-paste is in order, if you want to go buy tickets!)

BIG SCREEN: Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil 3D Revieux (PG)

In this sequel to the original animated film, released in 2006, Red Riding Hood (Hayden Panettiere) is off training with a Kung-Fu-like fairytale troop called “The Sisters of the Hood” when her Granny (Glenn Close) gets kidnapped by a scary witch (Joan Cusack). To save her, Red has to summon up some serious maturity and pair up with her old nemesis, The Big Bad Wolf (Patrick Warburton). How ever will it end?!

To tell the truth, I never saw the original Hoodwinked. It sounded vaguely familiar, but I wondered how I’d missed it. So, I check the dates and realized-- oh, yeah – I was busy recovering from 57 hours of back labor and an emergency C-section while caring for a colicky child who didn’t sleep for 18 months. But, I digress.

Six years later, my back is pretty much repaired and I’m adequately rested. I settled into my cushy seat, and I’ve gotta admit – I got a little giddy, even as the opening credits began to roll. True, my cappuccino had just kicked in, but I mean, come on! Expectations are through the roof when you read: Close, Cusack, Andy Dick, Bill Hader, Brad Garrett, Amy Poehler, Martin Short, Cheech & Chong, Patrick Warburton (Elaine’s boyfriend from Seinfeld), and David Ogden Stiers (Winchester from M*A*S*H – am I dating myself with these old references?!). Oh, and Hayden Panettiere, who was fine, but really, who cares next to the rest of that seasoned cast?

So, this crazy-amazing cast dives right in and delivers a crazy barrage of one-liners and clever references (props to the writers, truly). One minute they’re catering to the kiddies-- and those of us with kiddie-like senses of humor--with lines like (in a French accent), “I think the fan is about to be hit by the doody.” The next, they’re nodding and winking at grownups by riffing on iconic movies like Goodfellas and Silence of the Lambs. And it’s rapid-fire. No dawdling and milking every joke for all it’s worth. Seriously, I think this is the kind of movie I’ll have to rent/own and view multiple times to catch all the verbal and visual gags.

I kid you not, I had tears in my eyes as I giggled my way through the first part of the movie (the frequency of the gags subsided a bit as we got into the meat of the story). Maybe it’s because my expectations were so low after the last two kids’ movie I watched turned out to be (a) a bitter disappointment and (b) only mildly entertaining. (That’s Rango and Hop, respectively). Or maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for good talent and good writing. Either way – thoroughly enjoyable.

(Oh, wait – did I mention it was in 3D? Usually, that’s a total turnoff for me, but I didn’t mind it in this case. It was totally unnecessary—as is most 3D these days, if you ask me—but the movie is worth the annoying, ill-fitting glasses!)

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG SCREEN: Prom Revieux (Rated PG)

It really comes down to perspective when deciding whether to give this new movie, Prom, a thumbs-up or thumbs-down. If you’re an innocent tween or a parent who really wants to shield your kid(s) from the harsh realities and social strata of the high school ecosystem, then this’ll be a big a thumbs-up for you. If you’re a more mature, streetwise teen or an adult from the John Hughes generation, rotate that wrist 90-180 degrees.

Prom is a mix of intersecting teenage storylines in the weeks leading up to a high school prom. The overachieving pretty girl who’s dateless, yet head of the prom committee; the misunderstood bad boy she’s obviously destined to fall for; the sweet, but goobery sophomore buddies whose friendship is tested because of a girl; the cocky jock who’s juggling girlfriends; and the very John Cusack-y, lovable lunk who can’t seem to get the girl. (They actually named this character “Lloyd.” It took me a while to figure out they weren’t actually directly referencing Say Anything!)

If you’re a member of the aforementioned John Hughes generation, your head will spin at the number of nods/ripoffs (again, a matter of perspective) to the teen flicks from the 80s. But, despite some charming moments, you won’t mistake Prom for Sixteen Candles or The Breakfast Club. I completely forgot that this was a Disney film, as it begins by presenting a slightly edgier look and feel than, say, Hannah Montana. But it becomes crystal clear as the movie progresses and there are no mean girls, no one is teased or ostracized, no one fights with their parents, there’s no hint of sex/drugs/alcohol, and no real teen-angst-driven poignancy. Disney all the way.

Anyway, whether the Disneyfication is to your liking or not, the universal good news is, this ensemble cast appears to have a lot of break-out-star potential. Apparently, some of these kids already have their own tweenage TV shows, but I’m 40 with a five-year-old boy, so they may as well be “big in Japan,” as far as I’m concerned.

Bottom line: Sweet and fluffy, safe for tweens. But, much like cotton candy, it's straight-up sugar with no nutritional value.

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG SCREEN: Rio Revieux (Rated PG)

As Rio opens, we meet Blu (Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network), a little hatchling macaw who is observing the beauty and wonder of his lively South American jungle home. Before he’s even able to take flight and join the rhythmic rituals around him, he’s snatched by bird smugglers and winds up being raised by a young girl in Minnesota. He grows up to become a perfectly content, but overly domesticated bird, whose neurotic personality closely resembles that of a feathery, midwestern Woody Allen. To his dismay, one day his owner Linda (Leslie Mann) is persuaded to escort him back to Brazil in an effort to mate him with another blue macaw—a decidedly UNdomesticated bird named Jewel (Anne Hathaway)--to save his endangered species. But, instead, Blu winds up on a wild adventure that takes him back to the jungle, as well as Rio’s flamboyant carnivale, accompanied by a host of colorful characters. Time to bird-up, Blu!

This is one of those no-harm, no-foul kid flicks that really doesn’t require a whole lotta analysis. It’s adequately silly and maintains a kid-friendly pace. The visuals are good, the tail-feather-shaking soundtrack is infectious (seriously considering getting it for my kid), and some of the supporting characters are quite amusing. Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas, Jamie Foxx, George Lopez, and Tracy Morgan definitely add a lot of vocal color to compliment the visual. But, New Zealand actor Jemaine Clement absolutely steals the show as a delightfully villainous and really unattractive cockatoo, who’s out to destroy the “pretty birds.”

And while Jesse Eisenberg is endearingly awkward, I have to say, at first it sorta bugged me that the sassy Brazilian girl-bird who challenges Blu to toughen up and get back to his roots is voiced by, um, Anne Hathaway. Hello? We have no fiery, Brazilian—or at least, slightly more ethnic--actresses to choose from anywhere on the planet?! But after the first few minutes of annoyance, the two settled into an acceptable, if not standard, love-hate banter. Fine. Whatever.

It's cute and overall, like I said, no-harm, no-foul (is there a "fowl" joke in there? I'll spare you). Was it clever? No. Was it groundbreaking? Nah. Designed to stimulate adults? Not exactly. But did the kids dig it? Yep. Good enough.

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG SCREEN: Hop Revieux (Rated PG)

What is the Easter Bunny’s deal? I mean, has anyone ever really asked? We know where Santa lives and how he operates, but the Big Bunny? Total mystery. Hop endeavors to educate us on the subject.

So, the Easter Bunny (voiced by Hugh Laurie) lives on Easter Island (yikes, of leper colony fame? Oh, well -- I guess what the kids don’t know… right?) with his teenage son, E.B. (voiced by Russell Brand), who would rather play drums than inherit the family business. When his dad starts pushing for the succession, E.B. runs away to Hollywood to seek his fame and fortune. He strikes up an unlikely friendship with a human (James Marsden), who’s at odds with his own father. Despite earning a little attention with his drumming skills, E.B. has to reevaluate his priorities when his dad is overthrown by his bitter right hand man, Carlos, a fuzzy yellow chick with a Spanish accent (voiced by Hank Azaria, of course!).

Azaria is a total scream as the “Latino chick”, but this is obviously comedian Russell Brand’s show. Let’s talk about Russell Brand, shall we? You either love him or hate him. I happen to love him to bits. Lanky and spastic and sort of naughty—what’s not to love? Sort of describes many of our own kids, right? So, in that respect, I imagined he’d be perfect for a voice-over role in a kids’ movie.

The problem—though “problem” is a strong word—is that the dialogue was obviously written to suit Brand’s brand of humor. The rapid-fire, British clever-speak is amusing to an adult’s trained ear, but it flies right over little kids’ heads. As does the hilarity that lies within Azaria's performance. Nuance is not a very kid-friendly concept. It certainly didn’t ruin the movie – it’s still cute and creative and fun to look at – but, without a direct-connect with much of the comedic element of the movie, the littler kids (we watched with a group of 5-year-olds) get a little antsy towards the latter part of the movie. You could definitely tell it was made by some of the same folks that did Despicable Me and Alvin & the Chipmunks--but a little less silly and fewer quotable one-liners.

Certainly worth the price of admission, though I’m not sure this is destined to become a holiday classic. I guess time will tell.

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG EASY: Audubon Zoo’s “Cool Zoo”

With my usual brilliance, I planned my inaugural trip to Audubon Zoo’s “Cool Zoo” splash park on Good Friday. Along with every other able-bodied human in the Greater New Orleans area. After braving a membership line that stretched back to Magazine Street (slight exaggeration), I at least had the foresight to ask if I could purchase Cool Zoo tickets ($4 for members, $5 for non) at the main entrance, thereby avoiding yet another line for tickets back by the carousel. In lieu of tickets, we're given wristbands, which is awesome, if you ask me. I stink at keeping up with tickets.

Having watched with anticipation as they built this sucker, I was well aware of its location. Can't miss it. Walk in the front gate and keep walking straight (skirting around the big fountain, of course, duh) until you dead end, just past the playground, to the right of the carousel. Pleasant attendants were manning the gates, checking for the obligatory wrist bands, but also watching for runaway young ‘uns. Good to have a second line of defense!

Stepping through the gate, it really is quite a lovely little park. Of course, there’s the huge, colorful splash structure in the center, complete with slides, sprayers, ropes, tunnels, buckets a-dumping, and of course, the massive white gator who dumps the biggest bucket of all—you’re alerted by the sound of a clanging fire alarm--on the delighted kiddos below. But, they’ve also managed to create a lovely park-like feel around the periphery—each section with its own vantage point to keep an eye on the soggy youngsters. There’s a tree-shaded deck filled with tables and chairs, umbrella tables along the back wall, and cabanas in the back corner. Cabanas for, um… napping? Massages? I’m assuming you must bring your own cot and/or masseuse. And if you’re able to block out the clanging, squealing, and whistle blasts enough to enjoy a snooze or spa service, more power to ya.

Be forewarned: while there appears to be a lot of options, seating is actually at a premium. I was there when the park opened, yet by the time I reached the Cool Zoo, I was only able to secure an errant chair – which was all we really needed. But, if you’re in need of room to spread out your picnic, be sure to stake your claim early. If you don't really need the space, let's think of our fellow parents – how ‘bout try not to hog a whole table, only to use it as a mere bag rest, okay? (You know who you are!)

Speaking of picnicking, I’m a cheapskate, so I try to sneak my own food to as many place as possible—the zoo, parks, movie theaters, etc—but I made sure to check out the concessions at the Snack ‘N Splash hut, nonetheless. Not as pricy as I imagined, I must say. $2 for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, $2 for a kid’s drink, and other items like French fries, corndogs, chips/cheetos, candy, ice cream, icees, and such all hovered somewhere between $2-5-ish. They even serve beer and daiquiris! (But mama was rolling solo, so it was a “dry” day at the splash park.) My son and I wound up splitting a $3 order of “beignet fries.” What a concept, right?! He loved them, I found them rather soggy, so we’ll call it a draw.

To be honest, I was not looking forward to unsheathing my pasty, pudgy, middle-aged bod for the masses, and luckily (for me and everyone in attendance), I didn’t have to. It’s actually quite feasible to dodge much of the spray if you’re crafty like me. But I can’t guarantee your precious, carefully pressed khaki pants won’t get soaked by a cheeky five-year-old at the helm of a water cannon. Yes, yes, I talked to my kid about not spraying adults – especially dry ones—but not until after a sour-pussed young mom fell victim. My apology apparently was not sufficient as she never wiped the death-blow of a dirty look off her face. Gimme a break, people. There’s no place for priss in a SPLASH PARK!

Safety-wise, I felt pretty good about the place. It’s not a huge park, so there aren’t too many places for your kid to completely disappear – though the play structure has a full 360-degrees of activity, so it’s impossible to see them 100% of the time, unless you’re physically with them on the slides and such. From what I could tell, there were usually two or so attendants patrolling right up in the middle of the action, in raincoats with parade whistles. And with a crowd the size of this one, there was plenty of whistle-blowing. Nice to have a little safety patrol to calm the wild beasts, I say. It can definitely get a little frenzied on the structure, but there are plenty of calmer, gentler splashing opportunities around the edges, and a separate zone just for the tinies. During a brief chat with another mom, we had differing opinions on the safety of the structure, itself – but she had a shy 3-year-old clinging to her, so yeah -- probably wise to keep the smaller and/or more timid ones out of the fray.

Another nice feature is the fact that, while there are two gates, they are located right next to each other, and a decent distance away from the action, so it’s possible to position yourself between your kid and their only exit route. (If you have a nutty, fearless, never-met-a-stranger child like mine, you know exactly why this is a good thing.) The fact that they are manned gates adds a little more peace of mind.

There are also lockers, family restrooms, and "The Cool Shop," stocked with necessities like towels, sunscreen, flip-flops, t-shirts, towels, hats, swimsuits, sunglasses, etc. Oh, and they sell something called a "Big Squirt" water toy. In case you need yet another liquid trajectory out there.

Overall, I think this place is pretty awesome. I imagine when the temps go through the roof, this joint is really going to be hopping! Maybe Miss Pressed-Pants will enjoy a refreshing little water cannon action by then! (Or not.)

Go here for more information on Audubon's Cool Zoo.

BIG EASY: Parakeet Pointe at Audubon Aquarium

The backstory really isn't relevant to the experience, but it's sort of funny. My son and I wound up at Parakeet Pointe by accident when we and my husband got stuck in gnarly, snarly French Quarter Fest traffic. Out of desperation--and to avoid an ugly, unavoidable altercation between my frustrated husband and whiny-whiny five year old--I grabbed the boy and set out on-foot. In an effort to keep my son from burning out in the crowds and heat before his poor dad found a stupid parking place and could meet up with us again, we took a detour to the Aquarium. We'd been meaning to check out Parakeet Pointe, anyway, so this was perfect.

Now, to be honest, I was a little trepidatious, as I've been known to have issues with other such enclosures where birds are flying overhead and either landing on me or leaving a little souvenir in my hair or on my clothing. And, don't get me started on the whole Tippi Hedren angle. But, much to my delight, these are some well-behave birds. You have the option of paying $1 at the entrance for a popsicle stick with some birdseed attached to it and--voila--an instant bird perch. Being the well-mannered birds that they are, you have to sort of coax them onto the stick, but once they're on there, it's actually pretty cool. I'm shocked they allow unpredictable little hellions such access to the poor little creatures, but none of the parakeets were injured during that particular visit. Hope that remains the case.

My son was dying to pet the birds, but when we asked, we were told it wasn't allowed. But, believe me, I got an EARFUL when my son watched some Aquarium commercials at home a few days later, which showed kids touching the parakeets. "See mom, TWO FINGERS! That's how I was going to pet them!" You better believe they'll have a serious fairness debate on their hands when my little juris-pre-K boy steps foot in there again. We'll see how that goes.

Luckily, it's a lovely facility, they didn't rush us through, and it's conveniently located in the food court, sort of behind the Häagen-Dazs counter. I say "luckily" as we had plenty of time to kill visiting with the birds and eating ice cream--my husband spent an hour-and-a-half slogging through traffic looking for parking, only to wind up driving to Algiers and taking the ferry back across to meet us. Not exactly the quaint experience my son and I had. And, needless to say, the next stop was a daiquiri stand!

Entrance to Parakeet Pointe is free with Audubon Aquarium of the Americas admission. For more info, visit their site: http://www.auduboninstitute.org/visit/aquarium/fun-favorites/parakeet-pointe.

BIG SCREEN: Win Win Revieux (Rated R)

Who among us hasn’t been tempted to take a few, let’s say, less-than-kosher shortcuts to make life a little easier? In Win Win, Mike Flaherty (Paul Giamatti) is a struggling, small-town lawyer and family man who’s suffering some pretty debilitating panic attacks over his financial situation. On the side, he coaches a truly terrible high school wrestling team, which seems to only exacerbate the situation. When the opportunity presents itself, he executes some shady legal maneuverings to boost his bank account – and he scores a star wrestler in the process. Seems like a “win-win” – that is, until everything starts to unravel.

The writing starts off pretty clumsy as we’re hit over the head with some clunky symbolism – chubby Mike gets passed by thinner, leaner runners while jogging; a dead tree is about to fall on his house; the hot water heater in his office is clanking away and threatening to blow – subtle, right? But, luckily, the acting and character development make up for it.

The role of a troubled young wrestler who both complicates and clarifies Mike’s situation is played by newcomer Alex Shaffer, who nails the disconnected teen vibe, while effortlessly conveying a sweetness and vulnerability. It’s totally believable that he easily ingratiates his way into Mike’s family and creates such a stir.

And I’m just going to admit it: Paul Giamatti can pretty much do no wrong in my eyes. The man is a genius. And while this isn’t the most sophisticated movie on the planet, he brings such complexity the role. Even as his character makes some pretty crappy choices, we can’t help but empathize. Giamatti manages to convey all the despair of a man-on-the-edge one moment, then turns on a dime and exudes hope and optimism in the next. But all the while, those sad eyes and slouch never let you forget that complete failure could be lurking around the corner. The result is a sort of nail-biting tension and anxiety, usually reserved for thrillers, that propel the story ever-forward.

A real charmer with a big heart!

It’s rated R for language. Which is a shame, as it’s got a good message for teens – and parents. I can’t recall the language being all that horrific, so if you don’t mind a few four-letter-word tirades, it’s totally worth it.

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG SCREEN: Jane Eyre Revieux (Rated PG-13)

In case the years since high school have erased the plot of Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre from your memory, here’s a quick refresher… Jane is an orphaned young woman whose fiery spirit remains intact, yet buried beneath the surface after years of abuse and repression -- first at the hands of a wicked aunt, then the cruel headmaster and teachers at her Dickensian boarding school. When she’s finally set free and becomes a governess, she finds that, sadly, society can be similarly cruel and repressive. She finally seems to have a true shot at happiness when Rochester, the only man she’s ever loved, proposes to her, but a horrible secret he’s been harboring shatters her short-lived bliss.

After formulating my opinion regarding this latest film adaptation of Charlotte Bronte’s 19th century Gothic novel, I snooped around the internet to see what other people thought. I had a sneaking suspicion, and sure enough, the one thing that most other critics praised was the main thing I did NOT like about this movie: the performance of the lead actress.

Mia Wasikowska played Alice in Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland, and I found her to be consistently sort of cold and detached, which, I assumed, was probably what the delightfully odd Burton was after. (I find it’s best not to really question or analyze his choices, just go along for the ride.) But, I was curious to see what else she could do. Especially in such a challenging role as Jane Eyre.

I was impressed at first, as she masterfully conveyed a painful restraint that speaks to the conditions poor Jane had lived under all those years. But as the story progressed, I was disappointed to see very little else from her. She plays opposite the fabulous Judi Dench as Mrs. Fairfax, Rochester’s housekeeper, and a very aptly cast and fiery Michael Fessbender as Rochester. But I never saw the least hint of affection or passion behind her eyes – just that same painful restraint. Wasikowska’s performance remains so understated throughout the movie that it seems as though the cruelties and the inequities of gender and class Jane endured were successful in pretty much dilluting her spirit. Which is exactly the opposite of what the novel portrays.

But, alas, all was not lost. The non-linear approach was refreshing, the pacing was perfect, the cinematography was appropriately bleak, damp, and dreary, and the handling of the horrifying aspects of Rochester’s dirty little secret was quite tasty and suspenseful. But when the lead actress in the title role fails to deliver (or is not directed to deliver) a complex enough performance, sadly, the overall experience is just… meh. Worth it, however, for Bronte fans -- whom, I’m sure, will enjoying comparing and contrasting the novel and various adaptations – and for students, as a supplement to their required reading.

For New Orleans-area movie theaters and showtimes, visit...
http://neworleans.mrmovietimes.com/

BIG SCREEN: Rango Revieux (Rated PG)

Johnny Depp as the voice of a wacky, computer-animated lizard in a Hawaiian shirt – I mean, how could it go wrong? How, indeed. My 5-year-old son and I both had high hopes going into this thing, but one of us wound up squirming and griping for most of the movie. (Don’t ask which one, I plead the fifth.)